The Endless Journey

 

    Oftentimes, I wonder how it is that I've come to walk the path that I'm currently on. More than that, I dream upon the subtle little decisions that could've led me to a completely different life. If I had done one or two things different, I'd probably be living on the west coast. Perhaps, I would've been raising a family. Then again, given my newfound love of solace, I most likely would've been a hermit in a small town no one outside of said town has ever heard of. That, in and of itself, is its own dream that needs to be fulfilled no matter what age I am.

    I regret a great many things and, simultaneously, nothing at all. I've lived one hell of a life and even the hardships have taught me valuable lessons about myself. Moreover, for the first time in my life, I'm actually putting my wants above others. Sounds selfish, I know but it is necessary. I make it sound easy even though it's not. Truth be told, no matter what road I'm on, I'll always run across someone who needs help and who I will undoubtedly put my goals and dreams on hold to assist them in any way that I can. Why? Because that's who I am. You can lie to everyone in the world, but you can't lie to yourself. At least, not indefinitely. I love to help. So that is what I'll continue to do. However, the road calls to me again. I need to move around more. I need to explore not just new places but the deeper parts of myself that I've locked away from the world. Perhaps I'd write more if I had more adventures to write about. Heh! I've been searching for purpose most of my adult life. I guess part of the solving that problem is finding the purpose first. As a child I used to fancy myself an explorer; an adventurer, even. Where has that child gone?

    I used to dream wonderful dreams. An adventurer. A warrior fighting off the wicked and protecting the innocent. A holy knight on a crusade for God. Where is that boy? Where have all of his dreams gone? I seek purpose but it would be a shame to go on that journey and not bring that little boy's awe and wonder along for the adventure. I speak of going on a journey, but the truth of the matter is that I've been on a journey to discover myself once again. For now, that is purpose enough for me. I might never rekindle that spark in my soul anymore, but I'll be damned if I don't try. That little kid in me had a marvelous imagination. He wouldn't have given up on me so I won't give up on him. Time to go on that road within and find what I have lost so I can then go on the road and discover new things with my old heart.