Sins Of The Father
Twelve hours ago, I had...well, a moment. A life-altering moment. At least, that's what it felt like. All I know is that I was moved to tears as I was praying in church.
It wasn't due to anything the reverend said. At least not this Sunday anyway. It was something he said a few Sundays ago that resonated with me as I sat down to worship the Lord. He talked about forgiveness. He stressed how easily we can be forgiven for the Lord is quick to forgive if we are truly sorry; He forgives us if we confess our sins before Him. The priest then went on to list sins as all priest do and then he got to abortion. Frowned upon by the Catholic Church, I expected him to have abortion in his list of sins. What he said next, however, caught me off guard.
"Don't think it's just the woman that commits a sin when a child is aborted. It took two to make the child." I swear, it felt like he was talking directly to me. I felt as if the priest was addressing me directly and me alone when he said that. If his glare were an icy stare, the whole of my heart would have been winter in the dead of night!
It does take two, doesn't it? I know it wasn't my choice to make but did I put up enough of a fight? Did I object enough? Did I beg and plead at all?! Deep down inside, I know it wouldn't have changed the outcome but, if I am so adamant on wanting a family of my own, why did I not say anything?
That's what's been on my mind all day. It started from a simple conversation I had with a friend today on the subject and, by the time I got to the church, it's all I could think about. I prayed. I prayed like I prayed in my youth when I was truly pious. I prayed as I heard the reverend speak of suffering and forgiveness. With tears in my eyes and true sorrow in my heart, I prayed. I asked for His forgiveness and I prayed that he could teach me how to eventually forgive myself.
It wasn't due to anything the reverend said. At least not this Sunday anyway. It was something he said a few Sundays ago that resonated with me as I sat down to worship the Lord. He talked about forgiveness. He stressed how easily we can be forgiven for the Lord is quick to forgive if we are truly sorry; He forgives us if we confess our sins before Him. The priest then went on to list sins as all priest do and then he got to abortion. Frowned upon by the Catholic Church, I expected him to have abortion in his list of sins. What he said next, however, caught me off guard.
"Don't think it's just the woman that commits a sin when a child is aborted. It took two to make the child." I swear, it felt like he was talking directly to me. I felt as if the priest was addressing me directly and me alone when he said that. If his glare were an icy stare, the whole of my heart would have been winter in the dead of night!
It does take two, doesn't it? I know it wasn't my choice to make but did I put up enough of a fight? Did I object enough? Did I beg and plead at all?! Deep down inside, I know it wouldn't have changed the outcome but, if I am so adamant on wanting a family of my own, why did I not say anything?
That's what's been on my mind all day. It started from a simple conversation I had with a friend today on the subject and, by the time I got to the church, it's all I could think about. I prayed. I prayed like I prayed in my youth when I was truly pious. I prayed as I heard the reverend speak of suffering and forgiveness. With tears in my eyes and true sorrow in my heart, I prayed. I asked for His forgiveness and I prayed that he could teach me how to eventually forgive myself.
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