...And Country Music is Dangerous!
So first off, I'm fat. Not break-down-the-wall-and-forklift-my-ass obese but fat enough that it bothers me. Fat enough that it makes me not be able to dress a certain way or buy suits. The latter being chief among many other reasons including and especially my health. Note that I have more of a problem with me being out of shape than unsightly but I digress. I have two choices. Either I buy larger sized clothing or get in shape before I purchase and assemble a new wardrobe befitting my age and maturity level. Easier said than done, that's for sure. However, I'm choosing the latter for obvious reasons. While I will have many obstacles in the way, none will be more difficult than the most destructive vice plaguing my life at the moment...
I drink too much. I can't go as far as to say that I'm a full-fledged alcoholic that needs a 12-step program but I do drink enough that it is impeding the goal aforementioned in the previous paragraph. Actually the real problem is that I like it. Over the past couple of years, I've become a bit of an amateur beer connoisseur and I've enjoyed it immensely. I don't even drink the popular labels anymore (Minus Yuengling, of course.) I go out of my way to search for local craft beer or imported beers no one has ever heard of. It has become a bit of a hobby but one that I have to lay to rest or, at the very least, set aside for quite awhile. I have to commit to my workout ethic, physically, mentally and even spiritually. This worries me though. Not because I'm addicted to the drink or even obsessed with it. I worry because of what my drinking habit covers up is...
My emotional issues. It was clear to me, this past Tuesday that I still have a lot of landmines, booby traps and tripwire surrounding my very own heart. I tell myself I'm fine, of course. I walk around with the biggest smile on my face and tell everyone I'm okay; I'll claim that I'm happy-go-lucky and content with my life and my place in the world but I've still got unresolved issues with my past. Hell! I've been single longer than any two people have been in relationships with significant others. I don't know what happened after my last relationship but something died inside me and I owe it to myself to find out what. I mean, I was at The Wild Rover Pub with friends, playing darts (and losing magnificently, as usual) but happy. I wasn't even planning on going out that night but I love when my friends and family call on me to have a good time. Makes me feel needed. Besides, who wants to be cooped up in their homes on their night off? I was having a good time and someone started to play some country music on the jukebox. So naturally, out of respect for continuity, I played a few of my own and finished with a track titled "Love Like Crazy" by Lee Brice and just like that, tears. Something buried rose to the surface. I don't know what it was but, whatever it is, it has been in there for longer than I can remember and I need to get it out.
So basically, I've learned that I'm fat because of the lifestyle I live so I have to change my bad habits and make good ones. In order to do that, I'll have to make sacrifices and attempt to build a better reputation other than "that fun drunk guy." I know I don't have to. I know that I can work around it but I also know that I'm not strong enough to stick to a lifestyle change if I still have that vice hanging over me. Maybe someday, I'll be able to walk into a bar again, God-willing, my own, and be strong enough to just have a drink and then leave and go back to my healthy routine. Who knows. Maybe I may never have a need for the drink again. Lastly, there's that emotional dragon I have to slay. I've…got nothing for that. Drawing a blank but I'll figure something out. I usually do. Hopefully, I'll solve that puzzle eventually. Time will tell but that's the lesson in a nutshell: Workout. Change your lifestyle; abolish bad habits and country music is dangerous!
Harsh reality check
ReplyDeleteNow that you have accomplished to write down everything that you and I and a lot of people in your life have known for over five years it's time for you to get your ass in gear and start making some of these changes after all the only one that can accomplish them is you and the only one that can benefit and will benefit from these changes is you.we all suffer from some type a demon Dragon whatever you want to call it Weather It be a love, life, economics or simply bar habits it is on us the one carrying the burden to actually act in our own favor it is never frowned upon or look down at to reach out for help from friends family that's what we are here for. Family friends are not only the ones that ask for favors when they need something of you they are also here to give and offer favors or a hand when something is needed of them it's not always about the party and the drinks the darts, okay maybe it's been, but it doesn't have to be, at the end of the day you have to make the choice for yourself no one can make it for you. I know it firsthand it is easy to say I'll to start tomorrow and I know it's easier to put the blame on everybody else for the what if's the what the how the why the when the where but the answer is already clear and obvious. It's the excuses that we make ourselves believe that hold us down hold us back you can sugarcoat it all you want but the one thing that holds us back in life is usually the fear of moving forward. The moment I stop blaming my past for my present and took my own life back and grabbed it by the horns steered my way. it was one of the hardest things to do but when I found myself at this same crossroads, I knew I wanted it and yes with a lot of help from my friends and family including you especially you I was able to take my first steps into a new direction. I blamed my present on my past, ex girlfriends, bars life debt, work. It wasn't until I took responsibility for my own actions that I learned to move forward.
My dad once told me (being clown is a job not a lifestyle) you could try all you want to try make everyone else happy but if you're not happy no one else around you can possibly be made happy by you.
I know for a fact that everything I've stated here just like everything you stated in the blog is obviously known by you and by most of your friends and family figured since We were stating the obvious I would put my five cents in.
Now have a little bit of fun your grammar Nazi and correct my shit.
Love you Cuz.
PS
I for see a trip to Seattle Washington in 2015 start saving.