Psycho. Alpha. Disco. Crazy.

It took me all night to wash the blood off of my hands. Most of the morning as well. I never knew it would be so difficult. And that was just fake blood! I wonder if washing off loads of the real thing is as difficult? Better question: Do serial killers even worry about such things? That's what I was pondering yesterday as I was portraying one. I had to channel my inner psycho, so to speak, for a short film I'm participating in. However, since I didn't have any dialogue I started to daydream. I began to imagine what goes through the mind of a madman and all I could focus on is how much of a mess I would have made. Perhaps my mind is too structured to ever truly turn into a psychopathic one. Then again, maybe that's how it starts.

All those thoughts aside, the real lesson I've gained from filming these past two days is how demanding making a movie can be. I have a newfound respect for actors, directors, producers, etc. Even caterers and grips get a kudos from me. I can't even fathom what it must be like to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn, wipe the sleep from off of your face and get into character. Any character! Moreover, how the fuck do some actors just jump into a happy scene when just waking up or after a long and brutal day of filming under hot lights and in makeup?! It is beyond me. I was getting upset at the director (My best friend, Eric) for his compliments, if you could believe that. We'd get through a scene and he'd tell me I did a certain scene well or he'd praise the actress playing the role of the victim by saying "Great job!" Then, he'd immediately infuriate me by saying, "Let's film it again." (Why the fuck are we filming it again if you said "great job" not two seconds ago?!) It was driving me bonkers.

This isn't for everyone. It sure isn't a career for me. I'd much rather work behind the camera or, at the very least, as part of the creative process of the story but that's it. Ok. Maybe I'd do some too but no acting. Mind you, I was having fun the entire time but all of that still drove me nuts. I could only imagine what a Peter Jackson movie or some long as Hell, James Cameron epic must feel like. Granted, if I was get paid millions of dollars to film a movie, I would suck it up so well you'd think I'd love endless, tedious repetition (For the record, we do not.); I could probably get an award for acting like I liked it, no pun intended.   Nevertheless, this is the second time I've done this and it really is fun. I had a blast! I got to be a notorious, evil-mask wearing, serial slasher. The little eight year old boy in me jumped for joy at the prospect. However, the 35 year old me was totally unprepared for the long hours of filming, the sleep deprivation and the sacrificing of a very impressively stylish goatee. (It would've shown through the mask.) Not to mention the fact that we had a very small production crew so we had to move all of our own equipment. All of that just to create a short film that is only supposed to be five minutes long! It's enough to drive anyone...well, crazy!