My Word

Image of a black Rosary.

I bought a beautiful Rosary recently. I've been searching for one for quite some time. The last one I had broke in one of the oddest ways. It all but shattered. I was always led to believe, by both superstition and old wives' tale style Catholic dogma, that I was under spiritual attack by an outside force and that the Rosary took the hit for me in much the same way a shield would defend a knight or warrior wielding it. I can imagine this might sound foolish to any John Q. Atheist who is reading this but I have often respectfully over-embellished and personified the power of prayer. Much like the Wiccan faith believes in the power of their magic so too do I believe that my faith is my version of that power. 

So, being a good Catholic and having a lot of things to be thankful for, I start praying. Remember what I said about outside forces? Well, I started praying and, as it happens every time I start doing so, I get overloaded with images of previous sins, sinful and/or lustful thoughts and rage. Oh my God! Anger sometimes builds in me from out of nowhere! This always happens when I go to pray but what I noticed this time is that those are all my flaws. My weaknesses. Logic and reason tell me it's just my own remorse for deeds I've done and the need to atone by feeling guilt but what if it's not? I don't believe in coincidences. Truly, there is evil in this world and it hates it when you pray or even meditate. When you give fuel to your spirit instead of your fears. Prayer has always led me to stillness and understanding so it's easy to understand why that would be totally counterproductive to the Devil or whatever you wish to call that evil entity that wishes to do harm and malice upon the world. 

Normally, I keep this type of epiphany to myself but I felt like sharing this time. I don't know why. I just did. So, I chose to do so on an app called Whisper. It's a clever little social medium that lets you post thoughts with a random or specific picture and allows the author to keep total anonymity. So... I posted this:

Image of a silver Rosary with the caption: "Every time I pray the
Rosary, I get bombarded with sinful thoughts and temptations.
That just tells me the devil must REALLY hate it when I pray!"

No sooner did I post that, I got an instant response in the form of pure lack of manners and tact that can only be provided by the shroud of anonymity that the internet bestows upon general populace.

Image of a girl sticking her middle finger up with the caption:
"No you are just a fucking whore!!"

This type of stuff doesn't phase me. I was expecting this. Every time I post something about my faith or prayer, BAM! Out come the haters and non-believers. I don't ignore them though. Some of them make excellent logical points and I'm a big fan of logic and reasoning. That being said, I responded in kind with my usual sarcasm:

Image of a movie billboard of the movie "American Gigolo"
with the caption: "I'm a male slut, actually. Whores get paid
better."

My attempts to add a little levity to the situation seemed to have missed it's mark however.

Image of a prayer rug and holy book with the caption: "Well done,
now loose the stupid rosary and stop wasting time with prayers to
a nonexistent God. Proudly be the slut you want to be!!"

By the way, people...
Loose: adj. - Not firmly or tightly fixed in place; detached or able to be detached.
Lose: verb. - Be deprived of or cease to have or retain.

Seriously, I can't believe how many people are confusing these two words on the internet lately. I think there's one idiot spreading around the bad grammar virus and infecting millions of minds but I digress.

I continued with my sardonic wit when I replied in kind:

Image of singer Rihanna giving a side eye look and sipping a drink
with the caption: "That's funny. You sound a lot like the nonexistent
Devil that I'm 'imagining.' Odd."

Clearly though, I had failed to hit my target yet again. Maybe I'm too subtle with my sarcasm. Then again, people are so confrontational, aren't they? Case in point:

Image of random armbands stacked up on one another with the
caption: "The Devil is anyone that place logic and reality in place
of religion and its fabricated sins, brainwashing religion scares
one from independent thinking by waiving the scary devil."

(The typos...I swear, will be end of me...) So, before things got out of hand, I made sure to make things clear to all who might be reading those messages and consequently, this blog.

Image of a Templar knight leaning on his shield with his right hand
upon his waist with the caption: "Who's replacing logic and
reasoning? I use all the gifts God has given me. My relationship
with God has evolved with my faith and understanding. You're the
one still in the Dark Ages, it seems."

Before I go on, note that I did not have to respond to that last opinionated response. Moreover, I am well aware that this is an anonymous site and that no one would ever know it was me who said this. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to clarify. We are all responsible for the weight of our words. Never make the mistake of thinking that you can say what you want on the Internet without there being consequences and ramifications that result from the words you posted. Words have power; words ARE power. That old saying of "Sticks and Stones" is bullshit! Words hurt! They have done so in the past. Looking back on what I wrote and given my penchant for conceiving outlandish worse case scenarios due to my hyperactive imagination, I instantly envisioned some would-be zealot that may have been on the brink of doing something stupid and had been waiting for someone like me to post something along the lines of their way of thinking and carrying out some nefarious and sinister act in my name. 

While I have faith in God, I am a huge fan of logic and reason. (Yes! I am well aware I am a walking dichotomy.) God gave me a mind to use. It would be foolish not to use my thoughts and ideas. I'm not afraid of what that will do to my faith because it is strong. Our faith is the main mast of our ship when we're on the open ocean that is life. You do not wait until you are in the middle of the sea to check if said mast is sturdy. Furthermore, I've already stated my theory about what God is and/or my interpretation" of Him, as I've stated in a previous blog. If you haven't done so, go ahead and familiarize yourself with that. I'll wait...

...

...

Too often, people confuse faith with religion. That's not what I'm doing. I know no religion is perfect. History itself can shine a morbid light on the dark and twisted ideology of the Catholic Church. Islam is no better with that whole Sharia Law thing. What's more, I recently read an article that cast a dark shadow on the Hasidic faith. I never knew that the Hasidic community was that oblivious to the goings-on of the secular world. Having lived near a Hasidic community, I always saw them walking around and I just assumed that, since they saw what I saw, they knew what I knew. A young woman by the name of Faigy Mayer who, having been an ex-Hasid for over 5 years and prospering in the world, still took her own life for reasons presumably stemming from the exile and lack of family support she's had over all these years. Looking on her upbringing, it's disturbing to discover just how ascetic their lifestyle truly is. It's no wonder that, when I post up things like this, often times, many people get upset with me. I'm certain every religion has similar stories of shaming, ostracizing and even exile. My talking of it might bring up a sore spot. 

Truth be told, I don't understand why. You don't have to believe in what I believe for us to be civil and I don't just pray because I'm scared of Hell. My actions will determine my afterlife vacation plans, if you catch my drift. I guess, more often than not, some people's belief systems aren't strong enough for them to be believers on their own. They need to be a part of a larger crowd to validate to themselves that they are on a righteous path. By that same token, I believe some atheist fall under that exact same criteria given similar responses as seen in the above pics. 

A person's faith in something might inadvertently disrupt another person's faith in nothing. Food for thought, I suppose. Regardless, I'll keep praying quietly, silently in the corner without the need for acknowledgement or adulation as I was taught to do. However, I will continue to believe in the Word of the Lord and speak the Word of the Lord but I won't preach to you the Word of the Lord until you ask me to. You have my word.