Time Bomb

I woke up at 1am this morning. Don't worry. That's rather normal on my day off. I'm a night owl and professional insomniac. I woke up refreshed and alert. Ready to take on the day. You can imagine how difficult that may be considering that everyone is in their 5th dream by this time of night. So, I just went out into my living room and turned on the TV. Of all things, I started watching some PBS Nature programs. It was one about a Harpy Eagle that I had seen yesterday morning while on my lunch break at work. (Brilliant documentary. Had to mention how well done it was.) It was followed by a show about time/space, quantum mechanics, physics, etc., and I must say, I found it rather fascinating. Truth is, I wanted to write this blog earlier but I got so engrossed in these shows that I just now realized it's past 5AM. It's funny how time flies, no pun intended.

Time, it seems, is the theme of the day. One might think that I made up the first paragraph of this blog as a clever little segue into my thoughts but that is not so. Time has been on my mind for quite some time now. (Again. No pun intended.) My friend, Shannon, added to my quandary with a late night call just past 1am venting on how she's had it with one whom she loves; a person that isn't reciprocating said love. She's finally come to terms with that. If you know me or claim to have had ever known me, you can see why I'm close to her. She reminds me of me a long time ago. Heart always on her sleeve, ready to trust any kind soul; an easily breakable thing. A heart that's constantly given to the unworthy. One that loves forever and takes just as long to heal. How is this heart not similar to mine? Hence the reason I bring up the concept of time. Isn't it supposed to heal all wounds? If so, how come I still have a scar on my heart? One that constantly reopens as if it had never healed at all. Why did it take Shannon so long to realize what many of her friends had already come to know as fact?

The truth is, according to the show as well as my own observations, time effects us all differently. Not all of us can break up with someone and date a new person the following week. Some of us feel a need to live with a little pain, loneliness and misery for quite awhile. In fact, a rare few of us get so enamored with the dubiously macabre embrace of loneliness and misery that we don't see how bad that is for us. We don't spring back out of it refreshed and new, as many others do when they lose someone they love, until many days, months or even years later. I pray Shannon doesn't take as long to come out of it as I did. God! There have been so many times that I could have been happy and shied away from it because I chose to wallow instead. Michelle, Mandy, Lisa, Deja, Maria...that Mustang GT 5.0 (Dude! I fucking loved that car!). Why did I hold myself back? Why didn't time give me a wake up call?

I think it's high-time I start coming out of my funk. I think it's time I show Shannon and any of my friends that are mired in a bog of misery that it's time to start living. Time for me to start living by example. It's time to start living again! And you know what? I think I start with a little early morning exercise followed by a run. Who knows? Maybe today, I can shave a few seconds off my best time.